Why Can’t My Partner Understand Me?

  • couple arguing

At StartPoint Counselling, we understand that many people have the following questions when it comes to communicating with their partner.

Why can’t my partner understand where I am coming from?
Why do we disagree on so many things?
Why can’t they see common sense?

These questions are answered in the below 5-minute video and in this article.

Why can’t my partner understand me?

We’ve talked about why relationships can be can be so difficult. However, there’s another aspect we’ll talk about this time. Which is something that people bring up a lot.

That is they can’t understand why their partners see things differently to them. Can’t understand why our counsellors can’t explain what they see and their opinions, and also why the client’s partner just gets it.

Why is that? Why do they have this conflict, don’t understand why they can’t get it. So let’s talk about where this is coming from. Because if we understand where it’s coming from, we can be way more accepting of what’s happening.

What we do in our lives is really live from the inside out.

That means looking from inside of my body out through my eyes and experiencing the world through my senses. And because we are doing that, we are aware of what we are feeling, believing and what our thoughts are.

Now, one thing we know about life is this, if we experience something consistently over a period of time, we accept that as normal, whether or not it is good or bad, we accept it as normal cost that our experience.

So if we go through life, and we have certain beliefs, and we have certain thoughts, and we have certain feelings, and they are consistent over a period of time, then we start to believe that that is normal.

If we believe that is normal, then we believe that we are normal. And one thing human beings do is they associate another word with normal and that word is right.

So not only are we normal, but right. And if right, then it is our belief of the large percentage of the population will think exactly the same way, will have the same opinions will have the same beliefs.

Is this true? Well, beliefs are formed from life experiences, the family we are was born into, experiences within our family, and experiences of society at that time.

Then when we go out into the world, our experiences in the world and how we interpreted those and have formed our beliefs around them. That’s where the beliefs come from.

So unless someone’s had exactly the same life as you have, then the chances of being exactly the same as them is pretty well, zero.

So the truth is that what one person thinks is normal is probably not normal. It’s only one version and other people have a different version.

So if we take away the word normal, then we can probably let go of the word ‘right’? You are right for yourself, but not necessarily right for everyone else in the world.

So what do we do with this?

What we do with this is that you need to understand other people and their experiences, you can’t assume that the way you think is the only way to think.

Matter of fact, if you talk to other people and ask questions about where they’re coming from, and tried to understand them, that you can learn new things.

You can take hold of different aspects of life that you haven’t experienced because you can open up about life experiences. Can be open up about  thoughts and beliefs if that’s what you want to do.

But particularly in a relationship. If I want a bond between you and your partner, it needs to be done. You need to be understand your partner and understanding where they’re coming from. Because when someone looks at something, they filter it through their belief system.

And they draw conclusions based on their belief system, the same as you draw conclusions based on our belief system. Once you start understanding this, then you can find out how to work with your partner.

This is something we do at StartPoint Counselling all the time, we have helped many people to do just that.

Want to learn how to be understood and how to better understand your partner? Check out our guide to better communicationhttps://www.startpointcounselling.com.au/index.php/the-art-of-painless-communication-ebook/

You’ll be amazed how counselling can help you better your communition

You will find that talking with the Psychologists at StartPoint Counselling Beenleigh is your starting point for happy relationships and mental wellbeing.

StartPoint Counselling Psychology Practice is conveniently located in Beenleigh close to the Logan, Mt Warren Park, Stapylton, Homeview, Waterford, Loganholme and Yatala areas. However we also offer phone consultations for your convenience, see more about Booking Appointments here.

We offer a 15-minute complimentary phone session with one of our experienced counsellors. Find out how we can help you learn how to be understood and how to better understand your partner.