How to Halt the Four Horseman of Toxic Communication – PART TWO
The Second Horseman is CONTEMPT
Contempt is the actions that convey the sense to another that they are worthless or beneath our consideration. It shows up when we make statements that come from a position of us being morally superior.
Some good examples of this are name-calling, mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling and degrading or hostile humour.
Contempt is regarded to be destructive and defeating. By its very nature, it seeks to slowly but surely destroy the person it aims at. If ever there was a predictor of a relationship in severe trouble, this is it.
The remedy to contempt is to restore appreciation and respect in your relationship. Two of the most common things asked for by couples when looking at rebuilding their relationship are:
– I need respect
– I need appreciation
Contempt: “You forgot to load the dishwasher again? Ugh. You are so incredibly lazy.” (Rolls eyes.)
Remedy: “I understand that you’ve been busy lately, but could you please remember to load the dishwasher when I work late? I’d appreciate it.”
By taking the time to express appreciation for the things that your partner does in the relationship and taking the time to listen to what they are saying and give it due consideration (respect), you will start to counteract the negatives that exist through contempt.
As you feel more optimistic about the relationship, you are less likely to express contempt.
This may seem difficult at first, depending on the level of contempt that exists currently exists in the relationship. My suggestion to couples is that you make it your mission to find one thing that your partner does that you appreciate per day. Aim to find a different item each day. It does not have to be something huge. A simple example is “made me a great cup of coffee”.
Communication is the backbone of any relationship. As relationship specialists, StartPoint Counselling has helped many couples remove the toxicity in their communication and rebuild their relationships.
You’ll be amazed how counselling can help you better your communication
You will find that talking with StartPoint Counselling Beenleigh is your starting point for happy relationships and mental wellbeing.
StartPoint Counselling Practice is conveniently located in Beenleigh close to Logan, Mt Warren Park, Stapylton, Homeview, Waterford, Loganholme and Yatala areas. However we also offer phone consultations for your convenience, see more about Booking Appointments here.