5 Indications You are Losing the Connection in Your Relationship

I love you, but I’m not in love with you – Losing the connection in your relationship  

The same word “love” in the English language is used for multiple different types of love. For example, I can say I love my husband, I love my dog, I love my car, and I love ice cream. In each case, the word love means something slightly different.

When people say I love you, but I am not in love with you, they mean I care deeply about you, but I no longer have a connection in your relationship.

Loss of connection points towards one thing: there are unresolved issues within your relationship. Many times these issues come out of unmet needs or wants in the relationship.

Everybody goes into a relationship believing that they will get certain things out of being part of a relationship. When those needs aren’t met, our initial reaction is frustration, but it can grow into anger and resentment. Resentment will erode your relationship.

Here are the usual signs that indicate you’re losing the connection in your relationship.
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1. The effort is no longer there in the relationship

You are no longer interested in finding out what makes your partner feel special, and things are starting to get taken for granted. Everything becomes the same old, same old.

The excitement is gone. The very thing that drove you to connect with your partner is no longer there. Are their needs still the same? Do they still feel special in the relationship?

Take the time to sit down and talk and ask what makes them feel special, and then do that.

2. Couples time is no longer a priority

Life has changed from always doing things together. While the opportunity may still be there, you spend more time in individual activities, even if you’re in the same room. Even when you do things together like watch TV, you don’t interact, and your mobile phone has become your new best friend.

Life does get busier as you get older. There are increased responsibilities around your career, children, growth of assets and so on. It doesn’t matter how busy we get we need to find a way to have couples’ time.

3. You spend more time with other people

When you have a connection, you share things, and discuss things. You talk about how you feel, pay attention when the other person is talking, and your partner is interested in understanding you.

As a connection starts to fade, you talk less and tend to text your partner more. Face to face conversations occurs more frequently with other people. Disconnection means we will tend to be drawn to other people and other activities outside of the relationship.

This is the opportunity to ask why is this happening and to work out what has deteriorated in your relationship so you can start to correct it.

4. You feel alone in your relationship

Even though your partner is there, you feel lonely because you are no longer interacting with them. You are flatmates living in a house rather than lovers. There is a sense that your partner is never really fully present with you.

What things are you competing with? What are each of you are doing that is taking your way from spending time with the other?

Make the time to sit down with each other and discuss what is happening here. Are they on their phone because you’re on your phone as well? Put in place some strategies to change this.

5. Sex life has dwindled or become non-existent

Most people don’t want to feel open and vulnerable with their partners during sex if they feel isolated in other areas of their relationship. Low or no sex is not the problem but is a symptom of something else.

If we can’t talk, if we can’t share how we feel on an emotional level and feel that we can do that without being attacked and if we are not spending time together, then there’s really no incentive to feel open and vulnerable with your partner.

Making love starts way before the bedroom. Changes in other areas of your relationship will begin to influence what happens in the bedroom.

How to Recover the Connection in Your Relationship

The unresolved relationship issues need to be identified and resolved. This starts with a thorough understanding of;

• how things have gotten to this point
• what has been driving the slow degradation in the relationship

Once we have this understanding, we can implement the strategies that we need to turn things around.

Bear in mind that you’ve probably been working on getting the relationship to the place it is in over some time, so this is not going to happen overnight.

Working with a relationship professional is the quickest way to address relationship issues. The professional has an outside view of your relationship and is not subject to the emotional turmoil you’re in.

The professional can help you identify the problems, understand what’s driving them and help you implement the solutions that will create the relationship you’re looking for.

Startpoint Counselling has three experienced relationship counsellors. To find out how we can help you, please book a 15-minute complimentary phone conversation with one of our counsellors at this link.

Communication is the backbone of any relationship. As relationship specialists, StartPoint Counselling has helped many couples rebuild their relationships.